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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24723328">Choking On Your Fears (But I’m Right Here)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/lil_Tasha/pseuds/lil_Tasha'>lil_Tasha</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Magnum P.I. (TV 2018)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Bisexuality, But it's okay, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Gay, Happy pride month, Headcanon, Higgy comes out, Higgy kissed a girl, It's Soft, Juliet Higgins headcanon, Juliet Higgins is bisexual, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, and she liked it, she gets so much support, she's a lil nervous, supportive ohana</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 01:42:36</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,428</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24723328</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/lil_Tasha/pseuds/lil_Tasha</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It's Pride Month and Higgy comes out.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Juliet Higgins &amp; Thomas Sullivan Magnum IV, Juliet Higgins/Original Character(s), Juliet Higgins/Thomas Sullivan Magnum IV</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>34</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Choking On Your Fears (But I’m Right Here)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I've had a headcanon since about midway through S1 that Higgins is bisexual and it's not like the writers have confirmed her sexuality, so why couldn't she be? It's probably a stretch, but it's fiction, and the thought of Higgins having a girlfriend is cute to me.</p><p>Anyway, enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> “And no, I didn’t date a lot as a teenager,” she conceded. “But I’ll have you know that I did actually entertain one or two rather fetching callers.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Okay, so you didn’t kiss a boy until you were an adult,” he teased in reply. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Besides being busy with school throughout her teenage years, Higgins never found herself really having the <em> desire </em> to date, and because of that, she didn’t relate to many of the girls around her. While they were swooning over boys and what to wear to dances, she was hyper focused on her classes and the handful of sports she took part in. And when they bragged about having their first kiss among other experiences, she silently prided herself on being offered full scholarships from six of the top universities in the United Kingdom.</p><p> </p><p>So, it was fair to say that dating hadn’t been anywhere near the top of her priorities list as a teen. During college, however, things began to fluctuate right at the beginning of her freshman year. She didn’t know what to make of it and tried her best to adjust by overcompensating for the unfamiliar changes and picking up three extra classes. It worked for the initial five months, then by month six, she was given a roommate, and her oh so organized college life came tumbling down.</p><p> </p><p>Her name was Natalie Larson and she was tall and a redhead and absolutely <em> breathtaking. </em> Higgins swore she had forgotten how to breathe for a couple of moments when Natalie walked through the door and introduced herself as an international transfer student and her roommate. Despite not being fond of American accents, this girl had one she actually thought was relatively cute— <em> when did she start thinking of other people as anything but exasperating? </em></p><p> </p><p>“My name’s Natalie,” she said, a shy smile on her lips, and hand held out. “My friends back home called me Nat. I respond to either one though.”</p><p> </p><p>Higgins grasped her hand and her brain nearly short circuited at the grip she had. <em> This girl must seriously work out, </em> she pondered. “I’m Juliet. Everyone just calls me Juliet.”</p><p> </p><p>“Nice to meet you.”</p><p> </p><p>They released each other’s hands and Natalie gestured to her bags. “I probably need to unpack before I get too settled in. Maybe we could get food later and you could show me around?”</p><p> </p><p>“Ummm.” Higgins knew she had a ton of work to do and procrastination definitely wasn’t in her nature. But a teeny tiny voice in the far back corner of her brain was telling her to stop being so stiff and have some fun. “I would love to,” she finally answered.</p><p> </p><p>And the redhead’s faint smile grew into something brilliant. Juliet had no choice but to smile in return.</p><p> </p><p>Days stretched into weeks and weeks into months and Higgins caught herself gradually developing more than platonic feelings. She didn’t truly understand what her emotions were doing, nor was she sure how to decipher them. They were confusing, pesky, distracting, and intense. At one point, she considered asking for a new roommate because her focus for school was lacking.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Is this how those girls in high school all felt when they had a crush on a boy? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>If it was, she certainly couldn’t understand why they’d enjoyed feeling this way.</p><p> </p><p>Natalie mentioned that she was “acting funny,” but Higgins simply shrugged it off, and told her not to worry about it. Emotions were like seasons, they came and went. These, too, would pass.</p><p> </p><p>Except they didn’t.</p><p> </p><p>During winter break, the two spent an increased amount of time together and on New Years Eve, Higgins made the mistake of letting her guard down. Neither of them were blackout drunk, but their inhibitions were low enough. Natalie had been saying something about how lame the party was and Higgins’ eyes continued to drift to her lips. She honestly wasn’t positive which one of them leaned in.</p><p> </p><p>“Am I reading this wrong?” Natalie asked softly, breath ghosting over her friend’s skin.</p><p> </p><p>“Not at all,” Higgins confirmed.</p><p> </p><p>Their lips met, she didn’t have a single doubt that her heart froze in her chest. It was tender and passionate and she felt something unfamiliar, but warm blossom inside of her. The redhead’s hand cradled the side of her face and she practically melted into her gentle touch, eyes falling closed.</p><p> </p><p>After a few moments, they parted, Natalie’s hand only moving slightly to tuck a stray blonde curl behind Juliet’s ear.</p><p> </p><p>“I like you, too, you know,” she said with a cheeky grin.</p><p> </p><p>Higgins blushed, eyes opening. “I’ve never felt this way about anyone. I didn’t know how to tell you or if I should and I was nervous I’d scare you off if you didn’t feel the same,” she admitted.</p><p> </p><p>“Lucky for you, I don’t scare easily,” she assured the blonde. “And I really do like you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Good.”</p><p> </p><p>The clock struck twelve.</p><p> </p><p>“Happy New Year, Nat,” Higgins said, tugging her in for a second kiss.</p><p> </p><p>Everything was going well, <em> too well, </em> and once winter break ended, the other shoe dropped. Word of their New Years kiss spread like a wildfire and somehow made its way outside of the University. To put things nicely, Juliet’s father promptly reminded her how conservative he was. He pulled some strings to insure she wouldn’t have a dorm mate for the rest of her time at college and threatened to get her transferred to a different school if she didn’t cut all ties with Natalie immediately. She kept everyone at arm’s length afterward and concentrating solely on her academics came easily to her again.</p><p> </p><p>Even now, fourteen years later, that part of Higgins still remained locked away. Quite frankly, she nearly forgot it existed. At least until Magnum had made his little mocking jab and suddenly, the memory of her father’s brusque talk and being disowned by him rushed to the forefront of her mind. Having a daughter instead of a son was strike one against her from the day she was born and adding bisexual to the list brought strikes two <em> and </em> three.</p><p> </p><p>Granted, sexuality wasn’t a topic of discussion that popped up in conversations among her and her boys or Kumu or anyone for that matter. Though they all did recently start attending Pride together four years ago. As far as she knew, they were merely allies and they likely assumed the same regarding her. But unexpectedly, for a reason unbeknownst to Juliet, she <em> wanted </em> to reveal this piece of herself to them. Why continue to keep it hostage to her internalized doubt any longer?</p><p> </p><p><em> Tomorrow, </em> she thought. <em> Tomorrow is Pride. Perfect timing. Right? </em></p><p> </p><p>Sort of.</p><p> </p><p>Attempting to formulate a sensible sounding approach to the matter, she didn’t realize, would be this complicated. They were at a Pride Parade for crying out loud. It’s not like they weren’t accepting of the community. How difficult was it to just say—</p><p> </p><p>“I’m gay,” she blurted. And <em> bloody hell, </em> she certainly hadn’t intended for her coming out to take off in this direction.</p><p> </p><p>It stopped them in their tracks and Higgins felt her chest constrict. Then she saw Magnum’s reassuring smile and small nod, encouraging her to go on.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m attracted to both men and women, so bisexual,” she clarified, voice trembling a bit. “Wow. That’s the first time I’ve actually said it aloud.”</p><p> </p><p>TC grinned. “Congrats, Higgy.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, congratulations!” Rick exclaimed.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m honored you came out to us,” Kumu said to her.</p><p> </p><p>Gone were her nerves, replaced by a warmth that enveloped her heart, and a smile stretched across her face. “I’m bisexual.” And there was an unyielding strength and confidence to her voice that she rarely ever heard from herself. She loved it.</p><p> </p><p>Magnum drew her in for a hug and their arms all surrounded her, holding her close.</p><p> </p><p>“We’re proud of you,” he murmured.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you,” she whispered, her words lost in the parade around them.</p><p> </p><p>It would be another week before she divulged the less than joyful memory attached to her initial somewhat of a coming out that involved her father and him abandoning her because he refused to accept his daughter for who she liked. Despite trying to force her tears into submission, they escaped anyway. But of course, her boys and Kumu didn’t ridicule her or the unusual outpour of emotion. They gave Higgins the space she needed in that moment and embraced her once the moment departed.</p><p> </p><p>Their love and praise encompassed her and she knew no amount of thank you’s could express how grateful she was for the support.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I may or may not have (vaguely) based this on my experience discovering my bisexuality and finally coming to terms with it.</p><p>And yes, coming out to people, even if they’re your friends and you know they’re accepting, can be very difficult, especially if you may not be 100% sure how you identify or if you’re not totally comfortable with it yet. It was difficult for me to come out to my handful of friends (it was one at a time) despite knowing they were accepting. But at the time, I still wasn’t entirely comfortable with my sexuality yet. The support I received was great though.</p><p>Please remember that coming out is something personal and you should never feel pressured to do it. And no one should ever out someone. You come out when you’re ready and when you think the time is right. ❤️</p><p>Happy Pride Month everyone! 🏳️🌈</p></blockquote></div></div>
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